we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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