dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
