That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize