I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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