Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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