he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
