Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
