I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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