you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize