Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
