I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
smell my finger.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
