So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Four minutes until I can fart!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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