Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
