have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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