I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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