Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
