I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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