I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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