Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
