Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
