Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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