And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
