Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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