i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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