Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize