I will die if light touches me.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
