I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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