Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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