I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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