I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
