it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
