You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize