literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
