she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
