I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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