dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize