I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
