a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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