I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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