I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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