i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
