Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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