Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
