I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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