Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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