apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this boner is exhausting
is wine microwaveable?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
