to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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