1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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