Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
