New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
