saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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