So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
two words...techno handjob
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
