I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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