No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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