can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
