I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
