I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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