just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
