a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
