true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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