FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
