He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
