my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize