I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
