that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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