soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
