our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
